Chronicles of a Hand-Me-Down F-150

When life hands you a bad lemon, you have to decide whether to compost

it right then and there or try to squeeze every last drop of juice out of that bad boy.

Translation... my lemon is a 2012 Ford F-150 with 460,000 kms on her. And I can’t decide whether to kick her to the curb before she fails me or risk it and drive her into the friggin’ ground. (Does that analogy even make sense?)

To give you a little background; I drive my Dad's hand-me-down F-150. I am very, VERY grateful for the opportunity to drive a vehicle that has been given to me but it also comes with its rather inconvenient adventures. And let me tell you, it’s a damn good thing these adventures happened to me and not my very busy, self employed and horse farming father.

Let’s just start off this storytime with an instance from a previous hand-me down, 2010 Ford F-150 FX. He had about 360,000 km on it and I was toting it around the big ole city of St. Catharines. It had a funny tick to him but overall it got me everywhere I needed to go. UNTIL his ABS decided to kick in on the daily. In the middle of the city, bumper to bumper on some occasions...and I COULD NOT USE MY BRAKES. This is when I learned that Youtube is the Eighth Wonder of the World and I removed his ABS fuse. Trust issues had risen and I proceeded to ride my bike anywhere and everywhere. This timestamps a rather interesting head injury on a bridge with just myself, my bicycle and a yoga mat; more on that another time.

About a year passed, I survived the FX and I exchanged it for Dad’s latest shinny 2012 F-150. You know what; thinking back to 2017, it was really good to me. It had a smoother ride and slightly better fuel economy. It even had cooling seats and a custom tonneau cover. But then came tree farm season at Smalley’s Christmas Tree Farm. And let me tell you...you don’t realize how dull your tires are until you try to drive up a slightly ice covered hill, in front of many people. And you aren’t leaving the farm unless you get up that hill. Some awkward ice skating took place but Fred eventually maneuvered her to safety.

Again, it was pretty good to me until summer 2019 (minus about $1000 in maintenance). Nothing like tucking into bed on a rainy night and then being woken up by a car alarm. After jumping out of bed and realizing it’s MY truck. Is someone finally trying to steal my truck? Take it, please. I soon found out that there was certainly no one trying to steal my beautiful treasure. My truck just has a case of the alarm-go-off-frequently syndrome. Which meant RUNNING out the front door in my robe to shut it up (I leave my keys in my locked truck). I later realized if I just keep a set of keys at arms reach...easy peezy.

It grew out of this alarm crying stage and then just decided to leave it’s interior light on for what felt like a century but was thankfully only 15-30 minutes. It still does this for about 15 minutes every.single.time that I leave it. But that’s okay, it could be worse right? RIGHT.

Which leads me to what makes me feel like I am living in the 90s. A non-functioning remote entry. No remote. No keypad. NOTHING... nothing but a key. So I guess that means I will stick to the ole classic, key in door approach. But, bless this truck’s heart, it also has decided that it would like to only open manually...every freakin’ door. When I say manually, I mean it. I open my driver’s side door...crawl over to the passenger door and unlock it so that my very high end clients can then enter my truck (these clients do not actually exist). If I am feeling lazy, I just start the truck, put down ALL the windows and then everybody can reach in and open their own door! Bless automatic windows. A praise I wish I would have said 7 days ago…

Enter new incident. Let me set the scene: Kate and Amy go play beach volleyball and enjoy a summer night in Wyoming. Amy drives, because it’s okay to get sand in the truck. At 10:30pm we pull up to the curb at Kate’s place to drop her off, Kate jumps out of the truck. Kate continues to talk to Amy as she gets out of the truck, so Amy puts down the passenger window to continue the conversation. Crash, bang....WINDOW FALLS INSIDE TRUCK DOOR. Fuck youuuuu.

All of you car people are probably thinking...Amy, these are such easy fixes, just take it to your mechanic. But remember, this truck has 460,000 km on it and I just can’t bring myself to sink more money into it when I can put that money towards a new sibling. But okay, I better take her to the mechanic before I give it back to Dad.

I also would like to state that maybe my frustration towards this truck is a bit harsh and I am likely deserving of all it’s obstacles and embarrassing moments. For example, coming home from vacation to a flat tire that I did not know existed until the moment I needed to drive her (somewhere probably important). I proceeded to call my good pal, shout out to Stu, who lives down the road...he couldn’t help me so he called THE FIRE CHIEF. Thank you sir for walking over and pumping up my tire. We soon after bought a compressor. While on the topic of flat tires… I learned that CAA has a rather tough time finding you when you are on the eastbound  on-ramp to the 402. Wow, wish I could have dropped a pin for that poor dispatch lady. Also, another tip; if your dad puts 420,000km on a truck within 5 years of owning it and 50% of those kilometres are down gravel roads, you probably are going to have a tough time getting your spare tire detached from the bottom of the truck while on the side of the road. In the middle of a Canadian winter.  

If it isn’t already obvious, I have finally worked up the adulting nerve to buy my first vehicle. I have so many questions! HOW AND WHEN DO YOU DECIDE TO BUY A NEW CAR? AND HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHAT TO BUY? Send help.

Stay tuned for a new blog, featuring my absolute chaotic brain trying to figure out what to buy. Until then...I will be riding my bicycle.

-Amy