Dark Days

I remember walking into my musty basement apartment after a long day at work and immediately feeling nauseous due to the odour. Most times, I would run straight to the bathroom. In these moments, I felt so alone and disgusted with myself. I wouldn't leave this apartment for anything other than work. These were the darkest days of my life.

This was the summer of my unplanned pregnancy. As a Canadian citizen and resident, I had a choice in the matter, and I made the choice to terminate my pregnancy. I made this choice for various reasons, none of which I will explain here, but this choice was the right one for me. I believe that anyone who is lucky enough to have a choice should do so for their own reasons. Yes, I am Pro-Choice. On July 10, 2015, I was one of nearly 40,000 women in Ontario that had an abortion that year.* That day, I walked out of the hospital with my mom, puking in the hallway from the meds, with clear instructions from the doctor to go home and rest. Instead, mom and I took the GO Train to Toronto to watch the Opening Ceremonies of the 2015 Pan American Games. I didn't want to go home. I felt like I had reached the light at the end of the tunnel and was on the road to recovery. Little did I know, my road to recovery was long and involved far more emotional healing than physical healing.

I have a handful of friends and family that know my story. And many will first learn of it here. I've never intentionally hid this from anyone but didn't openly discuss it because abortions can be so "taboo." I know now that so many women around me have had to make this choice. I sat beside them in the hospital, waiting for the same procedure. I consulted with them over the phone because they knew the experience I had gone through. I’m not perfect, and I’m not proud of everything I’ve done, but I know I’m happy with my decision, and I know I wouldn’t be where I am today had that choice not been available to me.

I share this with you not to seek pity but to bring awareness to how many people have had to make this choice. For some, this is not an easy choice. And there are many out there you likely don’t even know about, just like me. I am so grateful we have this option in Canada and can’t imagine life without that option for the women that surround me.

I walked through this experience with my head hanging low, but I’m no longer ashamed of my experience. These dark days have helped me grow into the woman I am today. I share this with you in the hope of inspiring women around me to go after their dreams no matter what experiences life has thrown at them. Sharing my story has been part of my healing, and I will continue to heal my wounds and chase after my dreams.

I encourage you to do the same.

Kate

Contact me, and I’m happy to share my story. Here are some resources that helped me. Maybe they will help you too!

*Source - Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada: https://www.arcc-cdac.ca/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/statistics-abortion-in-canada.pdf

Planned Parenthood Toronto

Hamilton Health Sciences